Pro-crastination

I am a personality test junkie. I admit it. I know it annoys the concrete-sequentials of the world who find categorizing themselves somewhat redundant and completly pointless. But I love me a good personality test. Mostly because I think it helps me to have something to point at to say, "SEE, I'm not so weird. I fit in here..."

My coach turned me on to the Enneagram. I took it and discovered I am a Type 4: The Individualist. This should not be a surprise to anyone who knows me. Here's an excerpt from the profile of a Type 4:

Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.

Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance
Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an
identity)


And if that didn't seal the deal that this is so me, there's this part:

We have named this type The Individualist because Fours maintain their identity by seeing themselves as fundamentally different from others. Fours feel that they are unlike other human beings, and consequently, that no one can understand them or love them adequately. They often see themselves as uniquely talented, possessing special, one-of-a-kind gifts, but also as uniquely disadvantaged or flawed. More than any other type, Fours are acutely aware of and focused on their personal differences and deficiencies.

So in reviewing the profile in detail, I found a section called Personal Growth which reviews the places where I, and those other rare 4s like me (but they can't really be just like me because I am a 4...) could stand to learn a few things. I won't go into detail, but it basically says:

1. Do not pay so much attention to your feelings; they are not a true source of support for you
2. Avoid putting off things until you are "in the right mood."
3. Self-esteem and self-confidence will develop only from having positive experiences, whether or not you believe that you are ready to have them.
4. Practice healthy self-discipline and stay with it
5. Avoid lengthy conversations in your imagination, particularly if they are negative, resentful, or even excessively romantic.

Dammit. Right between the eyes! Every one of those is balls-on accurate. (Sorry for the word choice, it's Friday and I'm feeling saucy.) The one that is nailing me today is #2. I totally procrastinate just about everything until I am in the right mood. And I am rarely in the right mood for some things to ever get done.

Like the work I am not doing right now...Although I prefer to think of what I am doing now as pro-crastination, because if I am not focused or in the proper fram of mind, I won't be pro-ductive, so it's a "pro" that I am putting it off and not a "con." Ya see that logic. ;-) AND it helps me to believe I am having a positive experience (see #4) and will help me avoid the lengthy resentful conversation in my head that would result if I did the work when I wasn’t in the mood.

Right now I am in the mood to hit the road. Mission pro-crastination accomplished. Time for a cocktail.