Losing sight of the shore

I had an ah-ha moment this morning while walking the dog. (I always
get the best insights either on walks or while driving.) Before I
share the ah-ha, you need the backstory.


In my work with my coach, mentor and friend, MaryJane Bullen, earlier
this year, we identified two metaphors. One was a metaphor around how
I was feeling at the time in my work – a pack mule. The second was a
metaphor for how I wanted to be going forward, what I aspired to be –
a trapeze artist.


I felt, at the time and sometimes still, like a pack mule. Everyone
would pile things on my back and along I would plod, head down,
bearing the burden and making sure to stay on the path. Despite being
somewhat stubborn beasts of burden, pack mules do have some good
points – they are strong and sure-footed. Sometimes my pack mule
served me and those around me, as I am strong and often serve to be
the grounding force for others on my team.


The pack mule metaphor was easy for me to come up with. It sprang
forth almost instantly when MaryJane asked how I felt. But in terms of
how I aspired to feel, I was stuck. My pack mule was comfortable. And
then MaryJane gave me this essay about transition using a trapeze
metaphor and it really hit home.


I’ve been thinking about that ever since and working with and around,
specifically, the part of the essay where author Danaan Perry talks
about the emptiness, the void, when we let go of one metaphorical
trapeze bar and reach for the next. He says, “transformation of fear
may have nothing to do with making fear go away, but rather with
giving ourselves permission to “hang out” in the transition between
trapezes. Transforming our need to grab that new bar, any bar, is
allowing ourselves to dwell in the only place where change really
happens. It can be terrifying. It can also be enlightening in the true
sense of the word. Hurtling through the void, we just may learn how to
fly.”


Ever since I read that, I have wanted to let go and hurtle through the
void. But the fear keeps me holding on, sometimes with both hands and
sometimes just barely with one finger, to my current bar.


So today, walking the dog, I was again visualizing myself and my
trapeze bar…my trapeze bar that sometimes isn’t really that far off
the ground and sometimes has a pack mule hanging off of it… And I
started musing as I do from time to time, about letting go of it and
trusting that what is next will support me. Then it came to me. Being
where I am isn’t what’s keeping me from letting go. It’s my energy and
my intentions that have been hanging on and keeping me down. I’ve been
so attached to my pack mule ways that even the IDEA of letting go and
flying into the void was enough to shut me down. I couldn’t even
visualize the space in which what is next could manifest because I was
so attached to the pack mule version of my story that the next thing,
the next path to trod, had to be in sight before I could let myself
let go.


Today, I gave my energy, my spirit, permission to be free and I set
the intention of letting go and hanging out in the void even as I am
physically still here doing the daily doings. “You don’t have to quit
or drop out to invite and encourage change,” my wise, still, small
voice said to me today. “You just have to let your energy go, set it
free to find the next bar for you. ” So that’s what I’m doing.


"We cannot discover new oceans unless we have the courage to lose sight
of the shore." --Anonymous