Merrily? Merrily? Merrily? Merrily?

There’s a pattern in my working life. A pattern of dissatisfaction
largely brought about by disillusionment in, and the resulting lack of
respect for, those holding the reins of leadership. It just seems that
at some point – usually sooner rather than later in my tenure as an
employee – the individuals in charge lose their grip on reality and
start to make decisions that make sense only to them, and subsequently
erode the ever-so-fragile structure that was holding the fabric of the
organization together.


I call it the great coming apart. It has happened, in varying stages
and with varying outcomes, at nearly all of the places I have worked
in my life. Being the good self-examiner I am, I know that patterns
exist for a reason. For a very long time, I figured since I was the
common denominator in all of my workplaces, it must be something about
me that creates this. Then I realized I am not nearly that powerful
and important, and with a great sigh of relief let the orb of
responsibility for organizational dysfunction roll from my shoulders.
I just happen to be a witness, and one who sees patterns, notices
trends…Just because I see a problem, doesn’t mean I am the problem
(all the time.)


So then I got REALLY curious. If I’m not the problem, and the problem
always seems to relate to those in charge, what’s the deal? I wonder
if what I am experiencing is ubiquitous to all organizations, specific
to not-for-profits (since that is where I have worked to date) or if I
am destined to keep repeating the same mistake in organizational
selection until I have learned whatever lesson there is for me to
learn here and resolve that bit of my karma. I’m guessing it’s a
little bit of all of that. But the last part is really the only part
that I can do anything about.


And there’s also the pattern in my worklife of my taking on the
position of organizational shrink. Not everyone seeks me out, and I
never promote myself as such, but I’ve tended to be the sanity-check
and sounding board for others in the organization who are struggling
and trying to figure things out. I really like feeling as though I
can help people by listening, asking questions, coaching a bit and
mostly empathizing.


I know that this clarity I seek has something to do with that…That I
feel less existentially lost when I am listening to another soul (lost
or not) and offering thoughts, resources or just an ear to ease their
minds for at least a minute or two. I also LOVE seeing a lightbulb go
on in someone’s eyes when they are talking and suddenly make a
connection or get “it”…whatever it might be. I never make that happen
for them – they do. I feel so blessed to be there and be able to
witness that. I love supporting people while they grow and creating a
safe environment in which people can struggle. I love giving people
permission to be themselves and watching them relax and let go.


How did I get here from there? Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily…On
the stream of consciousness. It will all come togehter a some point.
I trust that. Until then, at least it’s Friday. It’s a holiday
weekend. It’s almost happy hour (we get out of work early today). And
there’s more to life than the bollixing nonsense that sometimes comes
up around organizations…