Up the creek

My performance review is tomorrow. I find this process to be
antiquated and mostly meaningless. I just want to get it over with.


I’m also a little nervous about how some of the conversation might go.
I want to share my feelings about the recent organizational changes,
staff’s feelings about the management team and the resulting affect on
morale. I just hope an opening presents itself and I don’t have to
awkwardly introduce these topics on my own. Because nothing has been
said by my manager about any of this, I can only imagine that I will
be paddling upstream…perhaps even without the proverbial paddle …and
imparting information that may come as news to her, some of it
unwelcome.


Although, what do I really have to lose? If I don’t say anything my
dignity and self-respect are at stake and I will not be respecting her
by trying to sugarcoat things. I really have more to lose by not
speaking than by speaking. I just hate the biding of my time until
then. Yeah, I could do it now, but it’s so much more neatly packaged
if I do it as part of a formalized review. Plus, I need to refresh my
memory about what I wrote in my self-review, which I submitted several
weeks (what seems like eons) ago, when my review was supposed to take
place but got put off by the tremors ahead of the change. Most of what
I wrote is probably stuff I wish I could change now, given the
information I have today. Oh well. Guess that’s what makes the
conversation more relevant.


I also think I might broach my desire to change career paths. I
received some information today about a certificate program in
organizational development that looks really intriguing. I just think
if I come clean about my desire to move out of communications and in a
different direction, I will feel less stressed and maybe can stop
acting as though I am driven by my current career. I may even be
better at what I do now because I can stop resisting doing it if I put
voice behind my desire not to do it anymore.


There’s always a chance that conversation could well leave me up the
creek. Better stash an extra paddle in my office just in case…