In yesterday's post, I wrote about preparing for an uncomfortable conversation that was going to take place today. Isn't it funny how much energy and time we spend worried about conflict, when most of the best insights and growth come out of it?
I'm the first one to admit that I am conflict-avoidant by nature. I used to make myself sick to avoid conflicts. I'm not sure what happened, but one day I realized that most conflicts are not that big a deal...not nearly the big deals we make them in our heads. And I've managed to alter my preferred conflict style from avoidant to collaborative for the most part. As much as I hate the THOUGHT of confrontation and conflict, I find that when I am in it and surrendered to the fact that it is happening, I find it fascinating and I always grow more by engaging with conflicts than disengaging from them.
Here's an article I found about the positive aspects of conflict.
The other thing I learned today that is maybe even more important, is that people are so much smarter and more wise than we give them credit for on a daily basis, but sometimes it takes conflict to make us really look at them. It's easy to judge people at face value based on everyday interactions, but those everyday interactions almost never allow you to really get to know the true core of someone, what makes them tick, what makes them special.
It's easy to label people as stupid, clueless, lazy, bitchy or a variety of other things that makes them into objects which are easy to dismiss. It's harder, more demanding, but much more rewarding to actually see the person for his/her humanity, to see what's going on underneath the face they put on and the words they use. People, for the most part, want to be known for who they are but are intensely guarded about sharing.
Conflict, if it is healthy, helps us bridge that gap, gives us a place to share and sometimes opens the doors and allows us to begin to heal the wounds that may have spawned the conflict in the first place.
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