Being Right vs. Being Honest

At the end of my post about irreverence last week, I mentioned that I had accidentally sent a snarky email to the very subject of my snarkiness. While I somewhat enjoyed the karmic implications and the amazing comic timing of the universe in that boo-boo, I did not enjoy knowing that I had hurt someone. Even if this person is someone I don't particularly like, that person did not deserve to be on the receiving end of my passive-aggressive commentary.

I am having lunch with the recipient of my offense tomorrow at her request. She claims she wants to know what was behind it and if there is a perception issue she can address and change. She claims she wants to grow. I am skeptical. This is a very difficult person, one who I am fairly certain "buys her own hype." (Thank you to my friend Kisha DeSandies for that phrase, which I find brilliant.) In short, her level of self-awareness is painfully low.

Because of that, I find I have been "rehearsing" for this lunch since last week when I sent the stupid email, because I know it is going to be a difficult conversation. I actually like difficult conversations, believe it or not, because they can certainly lead to growth that might not happen otherwise, but ONLY...ONLY if I start that conversation with the understanding that the person on the receiving end not only gets it, but wants it. I am unsure about this person's ability to get it and again, am skeptical about whether she really wants the truth.

I am also rehearsing because I tend to get nervous in these situations and fear that I will lose or forget all of my points in the heat of the emotion...Which means I am trying to be right instead of honest. If I am honest, it will come out in the right way at the right time.

So, even though it makes me nervous, this conversation needs to happen organically. If I am rehearsed, it will not be authentic or honest. And I owe her that much for being brave enough to ask. Who knows, she might surprise me if I can stop being such a curmudgeon and stop myself from wanting to be "right" when I know what I did was wrong.