Sunday night through yesterday around 2:00, I was involved in a Leadership Academy as part of my job. No, that's not quite right. I applied for and was accepted to attend this prestigious Academy with 20 up-and-coming member-leaders and 5 other staff from my organization. It was a humbling, exhilarating and exhausting experience. I am still processing all the lessons, but I will share some of the nuggets I wrote down as the days progressed:
We shape how others treat us.
Listening is a way to contribute to humankind.
When you listen, beware changing the meaning of what they say to fit what you want to hear.
You have to build good people to build good companies.
When you screw up, don't dwell on it or stew in it. Set it aside and go on to your "next play"; work on the problem/mistake later when you have time and are in the proper frame of mind to do so. (Think of a basketball player who screwed up a play but can't stop the game to dwell in it or the game is lost. He must move on to the next play.)
We escape our lives through addictive behaviors to the extent that we don't like ourselves. The more authentic we are, and the more we like who we are the less we need to escape.
Figure out who you are and behave accordingly. Be honest and elevate whatever you are doing.
Budget your energy as well as your time.
Live in and act from your core.
The more you participate in life, the more you use all your senses, the more you communicate, the more relevant the information you take in and put out is to you the more you are functioning at your best.
To listen or not to listen. That is the real question. When you are unable to listen for any reason, be honest about it to the person who is trying to communicate. Only listen when you are able to really listen, and be selective - listen to things of significance first and with all of yourself.
In great organizations, every employee feels as if they have ownership.
Build a clean ego to be a great leader.
Seek first to understand and then to be understood.
Live each day by choice.
Change what you say or change what you do. Just pick one of the two.
Fair does not mean equal.
Become aware of and be willing to change your default reactions.
Own a room and command respect when you speak by towering, not cowering.
Ink it when you think it.
The best leader is not one who is served by the most people, but the one who serves the most people.
If you get strategy wrong, tactics and execution don't matter.
One of the biggest lessons of all was the concept of Prime Time for Prime Events - not giving away big chunks of time or energy to things that are not of prime importance to the job, the day, the relationship...More on that after I have processed it more.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Generation Consternation
My age is really in the spotlight for me this week, and not just physically. It's been a week where I'm really starting to feel the pinch of the generation gap in a way I haven't experienced before (as one of the "older" generation at my workplace.)
Our HR Director organized a Webinar yesterday about the Millennial generation, referenced by author Ron Alsop as "The Trophy Kids" because when they were in school, everyone was rewarded and praise was given for everything. Everyone was special. Therefore, this is a generation of people with an extremely high sense of self worth, a need for praise and feedback. My entire team is made up of Millennials. I love them but I'm struggling right now.
I'm Gen X. I'm so Gen X that for a very long time I refused to even claim I was Gen X because I didn't want to be labeled. I want to be seen as an individual, not part of a collective. How Gen X is that? When I was growing up there were winners and losers - not everyone who participated got a ribbon. You had to work to earn your rewards, and then they weren't always guaranteed. You had to struggle and compete to prove you were special. Individual work was the methodology. Group projects were hated because they weren't the "team" projects that the Millennials seem to tout, they were competitive, "my-idea-is-better-than-your-idea" power-struggles. The strong individuals always took over, and some of us went rogue and did our own thing to spite them. The over-arching cynicism of Gen X, I think, stems from the message we heard a lot: "What makes you think you're so special?"
Now that I'm a manager...a middle manager of Millennials being managed by another Gen Xer with a Boomer as the CEO...I am starting to have my share of "huh?" moments up and down the food chain. Although, I must admit that coming up in my career with Boomers in charge, I'm used to them. I know what to expect. I hate some of it, but I've been there done that. I know what I can get away with and how to push their buttons to get what I need and how to be obtuse or verbose enough to confuse them into agreeing if I have to sell. Working for another Xer is harder than I expected...mostly because I've never liked working FOR anyone anyway. It's just easier to be resentful of the Boomers and their nose-to-the-grindstone, 60-hour workweek mentalities than it is to one of my own who watches the clock as closely as I do.
And then there are my lovely Millennials, who flummox me with their drive and their checklists and time lines but whose spirits, ambition and ability to do 10 things at once I admire. I want to say I can relate to where they are coming from, but most of the time I'm not sure I can relate. I hear what they say, I hear what they want, I see the intention behind it all and I think I understand where it comes from but I'm having a hard time getting some of it to compute as it runs through my X filter...which is admittedly jaded and cynical.
What I struggle with the most is the responsibility that I feel about responding to the things the just don't quite compute with me. The only way I know how to respond is with the truth as I see it. But then I wonder how that computes with them, coming from the Gen X perspective it does...Hm...
Our HR Director organized a Webinar yesterday about the Millennial generation, referenced by author Ron Alsop as "The Trophy Kids" because when they were in school, everyone was rewarded and praise was given for everything. Everyone was special. Therefore, this is a generation of people with an extremely high sense of self worth, a need for praise and feedback. My entire team is made up of Millennials. I love them but I'm struggling right now.
I'm Gen X. I'm so Gen X that for a very long time I refused to even claim I was Gen X because I didn't want to be labeled. I want to be seen as an individual, not part of a collective. How Gen X is that? When I was growing up there were winners and losers - not everyone who participated got a ribbon. You had to work to earn your rewards, and then they weren't always guaranteed. You had to struggle and compete to prove you were special. Individual work was the methodology. Group projects were hated because they weren't the "team" projects that the Millennials seem to tout, they were competitive, "my-idea-is-better-than-your-idea" power-struggles. The strong individuals always took over, and some of us went rogue and did our own thing to spite them. The over-arching cynicism of Gen X, I think, stems from the message we heard a lot: "What makes you think you're so special?"
Now that I'm a manager...a middle manager of Millennials being managed by another Gen Xer with a Boomer as the CEO...I am starting to have my share of "huh?" moments up and down the food chain. Although, I must admit that coming up in my career with Boomers in charge, I'm used to them. I know what to expect. I hate some of it, but I've been there done that. I know what I can get away with and how to push their buttons to get what I need and how to be obtuse or verbose enough to confuse them into agreeing if I have to sell. Working for another Xer is harder than I expected...mostly because I've never liked working FOR anyone anyway. It's just easier to be resentful of the Boomers and their nose-to-the-grindstone, 60-hour workweek mentalities than it is to one of my own who watches the clock as closely as I do.
And then there are my lovely Millennials, who flummox me with their drive and their checklists and time lines but whose spirits, ambition and ability to do 10 things at once I admire. I want to say I can relate to where they are coming from, but most of the time I'm not sure I can relate. I hear what they say, I hear what they want, I see the intention behind it all and I think I understand where it comes from but I'm having a hard time getting some of it to compute as it runs through my X filter...which is admittedly jaded and cynical.
What I struggle with the most is the responsibility that I feel about responding to the things the just don't quite compute with me. The only way I know how to respond is with the truth as I see it. But then I wonder how that computes with them, coming from the Gen X perspective it does...Hm...
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
An Inner-Body Experience...
I've always been one to live the majority of my life between my ears. Rarely do I find myself feeling at home in my body. And now that my body is starting to close doors on itself, it's really messing with my mind. Literally. I am fuzzy-headed. Forgetful. Irritable. Tired.
Earlier today my mind said to me, "Our body is deserting us." To which my intuition nearly instantly replied, "No, we've deserted it for too long. It's time to come home."
I am no longer able to live only in my head, because my body has taken over. It is speaking up now, saying, "Guess what, guys? You've had your fun. Now it's my turn!" And all my mind can do is drool and nod while the chemist inside mixes and matches various combinations of insanity and inanity, injecting them randomly into my blood stream.
My body is taking me for a ride, and I have no choice but to hang on and see where we go from here.
Party on, Wayne.
P.S. This is unrelated but nonetheless so awesome I had to share it.
Earlier today my mind said to me, "Our body is deserting us." To which my intuition nearly instantly replied, "No, we've deserted it for too long. It's time to come home."
I am no longer able to live only in my head, because my body has taken over. It is speaking up now, saying, "Guess what, guys? You've had your fun. Now it's my turn!" And all my mind can do is drool and nod while the chemist inside mixes and matches various combinations of insanity and inanity, injecting them randomly into my blood stream.
My body is taking me for a ride, and I have no choice but to hang on and see where we go from here.
Party on, Wayne.
P.S. This is unrelated but nonetheless so awesome I had to share it.
Monday, September 13, 2010
A Big Transition
I ended up at the doctor's office this morning. I won't go into detail. Suffice it to say that the last few months being female has been less fun. I learned today that it is very possible that my body is undergoing it's own existential crisis: perimenopause.
Okay, so it's not really a crisis but my body is certainly sending me subtle and not so subtle indications that things, they are a-changing. And yet, knowing this is also serving to calm my mental crisis bells a bit.
A look at the list of symptoms puts a lot of what I was chalking up to information overload, stress, my own mental failings and just overall "losing it" can, interestingly, be attributed to "the change before The Change." These are the symptoms I can tick off the list and say yep, yep, yep (I'm not sharing the touchy ones that are non-of-your-business, so stop cringing and worrying that this will be TMI):
Okay, so it's not really a crisis but my body is certainly sending me subtle and not so subtle indications that things, they are a-changing. And yet, knowing this is also serving to calm my mental crisis bells a bit.
A look at the list of symptoms puts a lot of what I was chalking up to information overload, stress, my own mental failings and just overall "losing it" can, interestingly, be attributed to "the change before The Change." These are the symptoms I can tick off the list and say yep, yep, yep (I'm not sharing the touchy ones that are non-of-your-business, so stop cringing and worrying that this will be TMI):
- Mood swings
- “Fuzzy thinking”
- Irritability
- Decreased energy and ambition
- Depression or mood swings
- Headaches
- Mental confusion
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
If You Don't Step in It, You Don't Know what You're Missing
In yesterday's post, I wrote about preparing for an uncomfortable conversation that was going to take place today. Isn't it funny how much energy and time we spend worried about conflict, when most of the best insights and growth come out of it?
I'm the first one to admit that I am conflict-avoidant by nature. I used to make myself sick to avoid conflicts. I'm not sure what happened, but one day I realized that most conflicts are not that big a deal...not nearly the big deals we make them in our heads. And I've managed to alter my preferred conflict style from avoidant to collaborative for the most part. As much as I hate the THOUGHT of confrontation and conflict, I find that when I am in it and surrendered to the fact that it is happening, I find it fascinating and I always grow more by engaging with conflicts than disengaging from them.
Here's an article I found about the positive aspects of conflict.
The other thing I learned today that is maybe even more important, is that people are so much smarter and more wise than we give them credit for on a daily basis, but sometimes it takes conflict to make us really look at them. It's easy to judge people at face value based on everyday interactions, but those everyday interactions almost never allow you to really get to know the true core of someone, what makes them tick, what makes them special.
It's easy to label people as stupid, clueless, lazy, bitchy or a variety of other things that makes them into objects which are easy to dismiss. It's harder, more demanding, but much more rewarding to actually see the person for his/her humanity, to see what's going on underneath the face they put on and the words they use. People, for the most part, want to be known for who they are but are intensely guarded about sharing.
Conflict, if it is healthy, helps us bridge that gap, gives us a place to share and sometimes opens the doors and allows us to begin to heal the wounds that may have spawned the conflict in the first place.
I'm the first one to admit that I am conflict-avoidant by nature. I used to make myself sick to avoid conflicts. I'm not sure what happened, but one day I realized that most conflicts are not that big a deal...not nearly the big deals we make them in our heads. And I've managed to alter my preferred conflict style from avoidant to collaborative for the most part. As much as I hate the THOUGHT of confrontation and conflict, I find that when I am in it and surrendered to the fact that it is happening, I find it fascinating and I always grow more by engaging with conflicts than disengaging from them.
Here's an article I found about the positive aspects of conflict.
The other thing I learned today that is maybe even more important, is that people are so much smarter and more wise than we give them credit for on a daily basis, but sometimes it takes conflict to make us really look at them. It's easy to judge people at face value based on everyday interactions, but those everyday interactions almost never allow you to really get to know the true core of someone, what makes them tick, what makes them special.
It's easy to label people as stupid, clueless, lazy, bitchy or a variety of other things that makes them into objects which are easy to dismiss. It's harder, more demanding, but much more rewarding to actually see the person for his/her humanity, to see what's going on underneath the face they put on and the words they use. People, for the most part, want to be known for who they are but are intensely guarded about sharing.
Conflict, if it is healthy, helps us bridge that gap, gives us a place to share and sometimes opens the doors and allows us to begin to heal the wounds that may have spawned the conflict in the first place.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Being Right vs. Being Honest
At the end of my post about irreverence last week, I mentioned that I had accidentally sent a snarky email to the very subject of my snarkiness. While I somewhat enjoyed the karmic implications and the amazing comic timing of the universe in that boo-boo, I did not enjoy knowing that I had hurt someone. Even if this person is someone I don't particularly like, that person did not deserve to be on the receiving end of my passive-aggressive commentary.
I am having lunch with the recipient of my offense tomorrow at her request. She claims she wants to know what was behind it and if there is a perception issue she can address and change. She claims she wants to grow. I am skeptical. This is a very difficult person, one who I am fairly certain "buys her own hype." (Thank you to my friend Kisha DeSandies for that phrase, which I find brilliant.) In short, her level of self-awareness is painfully low.
Because of that, I find I have been "rehearsing" for this lunch since last week when I sent the stupid email, because I know it is going to be a difficult conversation. I actually like difficult conversations, believe it or not, because they can certainly lead to growth that might not happen otherwise, but ONLY...ONLY if I start that conversation with the understanding that the person on the receiving end not only gets it, but wants it. I am unsure about this person's ability to get it and again, am skeptical about whether she really wants the truth.
I am also rehearsing because I tend to get nervous in these situations and fear that I will lose or forget all of my points in the heat of the emotion...Which means I am trying to be right instead of honest. If I am honest, it will come out in the right way at the right time.
So, even though it makes me nervous, this conversation needs to happen organically. If I am rehearsed, it will not be authentic or honest. And I owe her that much for being brave enough to ask. Who knows, she might surprise me if I can stop being such a curmudgeon and stop myself from wanting to be "right" when I know what I did was wrong.
I am having lunch with the recipient of my offense tomorrow at her request. She claims she wants to know what was behind it and if there is a perception issue she can address and change. She claims she wants to grow. I am skeptical. This is a very difficult person, one who I am fairly certain "buys her own hype." (Thank you to my friend Kisha DeSandies for that phrase, which I find brilliant.) In short, her level of self-awareness is painfully low.
Because of that, I find I have been "rehearsing" for this lunch since last week when I sent the stupid email, because I know it is going to be a difficult conversation. I actually like difficult conversations, believe it or not, because they can certainly lead to growth that might not happen otherwise, but ONLY...ONLY if I start that conversation with the understanding that the person on the receiving end not only gets it, but wants it. I am unsure about this person's ability to get it and again, am skeptical about whether she really wants the truth.
I am also rehearsing because I tend to get nervous in these situations and fear that I will lose or forget all of my points in the heat of the emotion...Which means I am trying to be right instead of honest. If I am honest, it will come out in the right way at the right time.
So, even though it makes me nervous, this conversation needs to happen organically. If I am rehearsed, it will not be authentic or honest. And I owe her that much for being brave enough to ask. Who knows, she might surprise me if I can stop being such a curmudgeon and stop myself from wanting to be "right" when I know what I did was wrong.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Visioning
Over the weekend I made a vision board. I have it in my closet, next to the mirror I use every morning. Every time I look at it, I see something different but it always makes me feel good.
I have never made a vision board before. I'm not sure why since I am artistic, love to whack up magazines for art purposes and do believe in the law of attraction.
It was a really fun exercise, and I'm interested to see if it was more than that. Interested in doing your own? Christine Kane wrote the book on them.
Enjoy!
I have never made a vision board before. I'm not sure why since I am artistic, love to whack up magazines for art purposes and do believe in the law of attraction.
It was a really fun exercise, and I'm interested to see if it was more than that. Interested in doing your own? Christine Kane wrote the book on them.
Enjoy!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
The Paradox of Irreverence
I have been told I have a wonderfully irreverent sense of humor. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, irreverent means "lacking proper respect or seriousness." I wonder about that. If I think something is ridiculous that others think it is VERY SERIOUS does it show a lack of proper respect to make a joke about it? Where is the line? What is "proper" respect anyway? I've always had a hard time putting on a show of respect for things that I really don't respect.
I also struggle with the affect my irreverence might have on my image, especially with those for whom I am supposed to be "setting a good example." Let's face it, irreverence and it's sisters snarkiness, sarcasm and passive-aggression do run the risk of being perceived as negativity. And if you are "setting a good example" it is expected, I suppose, that you be positive. But, again, does being positive mean you can't disagree or make a joke about something? I think not.
To me, irreverence is productive...maybe even positive...in that it allows an outlet for frustration. If I can cork off with a humorously spun irreverent remark now and then instead of swallowing all of my "disrespect" for something, I don't build up a well of resentment. (At least not as deep a well.) To me, it provides an outlet for a least a tiny squeak of the truth amid what usually amounts to the great manure pile of false reverence and pretending we do as a culture. If you can't see the inane and have a laugh at it's expense, I'm clocking out.
But I also know irreverence can be misinterpreted and must be used carefully. So I still wonder sometimes if I run the risk of being labeled as a bad influence or someone who doesn't take things seriously enough. (I think too many things are taken too seriously, to be honest.) Then again, irreverent humor is part of who I am authentically and being a good leader means being authentically who I am without apologies, so I suppose if I find myself in a place where I feel I am not "allowed" my irreverence, then I know it's not the place for me.
Side note: I started this post this morning. Little did I know that shortly before I started to write this, a snarky and irreverent email I had sent to a former employee had, in fact, been sent to her boss who just so happened to be the subject of said snarky and irreverent email and who is still monitoring the former employee's old email account. This resulted in a very awkward encounter with the injured party and much gnashing of teeth and wringing of hands on my part.
The karmic implications and irony are not lost on me here. In fact, now that I am over the initial gnashing and wringing part, I am actually laughing inside at myself and how brilliant the universe is about taking the softballs we lob with our minds and knocking them out of the cosmic park in a major way. Gotta love it.
I also struggle with the affect my irreverence might have on my image, especially with those for whom I am supposed to be "setting a good example." Let's face it, irreverence and it's sisters snarkiness, sarcasm and passive-aggression do run the risk of being perceived as negativity. And if you are "setting a good example" it is expected, I suppose, that you be positive. But, again, does being positive mean you can't disagree or make a joke about something? I think not.
To me, irreverence is productive...maybe even positive...in that it allows an outlet for frustration. If I can cork off with a humorously spun irreverent remark now and then instead of swallowing all of my "disrespect" for something, I don't build up a well of resentment. (At least not as deep a well.) To me, it provides an outlet for a least a tiny squeak of the truth amid what usually amounts to the great manure pile of false reverence and pretending we do as a culture. If you can't see the inane and have a laugh at it's expense, I'm clocking out.
But I also know irreverence can be misinterpreted and must be used carefully. So I still wonder sometimes if I run the risk of being labeled as a bad influence or someone who doesn't take things seriously enough. (I think too many things are taken too seriously, to be honest.) Then again, irreverent humor is part of who I am authentically and being a good leader means being authentically who I am without apologies, so I suppose if I find myself in a place where I feel I am not "allowed" my irreverence, then I know it's not the place for me.
Side note: I started this post this morning. Little did I know that shortly before I started to write this, a snarky and irreverent email I had sent to a former employee had, in fact, been sent to her boss who just so happened to be the subject of said snarky and irreverent email and who is still monitoring the former employee's old email account. This resulted in a very awkward encounter with the injured party and much gnashing of teeth and wringing of hands on my part.
The karmic implications and irony are not lost on me here. In fact, now that I am over the initial gnashing and wringing part, I am actually laughing inside at myself and how brilliant the universe is about taking the softballs we lob with our minds and knocking them out of the cosmic park in a major way. Gotta love it.
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