I am sitting here preparing for a meeting, well that's the story I'm telling myself about what I'm doing. What I'm really doing is making myself anxious about all the things I won't be working on while I'm in the meeting, which means I am neither preparing for the meeting nor working on anything else.
How often do I do this - not work on all the things that need to be worked on because there are so many things that "need" worked on, and if I work on one I can't give attention to the others? A lot. Most of the time, really. So, what if I worked on what I am working on while I am working on it and consciously choose NOT to work on, or even think about, the things I am not working on....even if they need attention too?
The fear of course is that if I don't think about all the things that need to be worked on, that none of them will get done...Except that while I am busy thinking about all the things I have to work on, I do so to the exclusion of working on any of them.
In today's world of instant and frantic everything, it's easy to get fragmented and, in turn, become completely paralyzed by the volume of stuff that seems to need attention. I am not a super hero. I am a 44 year-old woman who is facing a lof of the stuff that comes with being a 44-year-old woman (much of which is not under my control.)
I can only work on one thing at a time (sometimes I can only work on half a thing at a time, if I'm being honest...), and that's okay. The other stuff will be there waiting for me when I am ready for it. And if it's not - if it goes away or magically gets done without my doing it - well, then who am I to complain?
Sometimes my over-responsibility disorder actually leads me to be irresponsible. Today I am going to practice working on what I am working on, and forgetting about the rest while I am doing so.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Claiming My Voice
Each of us has a unique voice, a point of view that defines who we are - whether we know it or not, whether we like it or not. Recently, I had an experience that helped me claim my voice and, more importantly, helped me realize how important it is that I muster up the courage to use it.
As an introvert, one who scores high on a scale of analyticality, (I believe I just made that word up, but it sounds somewhat musical, doesn't it?) and especially as one who grew up as one of the "good girls" the "bright girls" it has taken me an inordinately long time to identify my unique voice. Amid the din of what I should think/believe, how I should behave and the fear of the consequences (and judgments) of non-conformity, I have stifled all thoughts about what might make me special, what I might have to contribute to the world that is mine alone to contribute.
My voice has tried to make itself heard many times, occasionally through emotional outbursts, but most often through my art and writing. Through artistic expression, I could explore expressing my voice in a cloak-and-dagger kind of way, conceptually.
But earlier this month, my therapist pointed out that I was often on the defensive, convinced that I would be judged for using my voice and protecting myself by adopting the stand of "it doesn't matter" or "they don't have to accept me" rather than seeing and owning what it is that's special about what I bring to any dynamic. So I left that meeting deciding to keep my eye on what was special about me.
The next day, I flew to Ottawa, Ontario Canada for the third in my series of Organization Development courses. These classes are always intense and always rich with learning. This one helped me find my voice.
The second day we were put in groups to work on a project with a real client from a real organization. I have always hated group projects, because I either ended up doing all the work or ended up stifled by know-it-alls who took over the project (and it never ended being as good as I knew it could have been had my ideas been incorporated.) Boy did this exercise bring all that back. I was in a group with the two of biggest, loudest know-it-all extroverts in the class, and one very take-charge but also very sensitive younger person.
We decided the day before we met the client that I would do the first session with him "in the fishbowl" (meaning in the middle of the circle in front of everyone else.) I wanted to be stretched, and agreed to this. But the next day, after he had given the presentation on his case to the class, I was so overwhelmed with the minutiae he had presented that fear took over. "I have no idea what he wants," my mind said. But when I got back to my group, they all seemed to know exactly what to do, what to ask. They started peppering me with things to ask, which only served to overwhelm me. I broke down and started to cry. I had a very strange feeling in my gut, and I just didn't feel that they way I was being pushed to go was the right way to go. So someone else took over...and my group floundered along.
As the day wore on, I continued to be bothered by the sense of overwhelm I'd had initially. The gnawing feeling of not knowing, not being clear on what the client wanted kept at me but I continued to feel shut down my group's strong personalities. By the last exercise of the day, I decided I couldn't keep my feelings to myself anymore. As we were designing an exercise to work with the client on in the fishbowl, I finally spoke up. And they listened. And I was right on target. NO one in the room knew what the client wanted, because no one had asked. We designed an exercise that, while poorly executed in spots, actually got us to the answer...the answer to the question that my gut had been wanting me to voice from the beginning. I broke down earlier because I wasn't feeling heard....but I wasn't hearing myself either.
The next day, as we were talking about what happened, my group told me to speak up more. They said that every time I did, I was strategic and on-point. I had been afraid I wouldn't be heard, even if I was right. Then, I saw that it wasn't about being right. It was about what I brought that was special, my unique point of view and my way of using my voice that had an impact.
People may not always hear what I say. That's the risk I run by using my voice. But they certainly won't hear my voice if I don't use it.
As an introvert, one who scores high on a scale of analyticality, (I believe I just made that word up, but it sounds somewhat musical, doesn't it?) and especially as one who grew up as one of the "good girls" the "bright girls" it has taken me an inordinately long time to identify my unique voice. Amid the din of what I should think/believe, how I should behave and the fear of the consequences (and judgments) of non-conformity, I have stifled all thoughts about what might make me special, what I might have to contribute to the world that is mine alone to contribute.
My voice has tried to make itself heard many times, occasionally through emotional outbursts, but most often through my art and writing. Through artistic expression, I could explore expressing my voice in a cloak-and-dagger kind of way, conceptually.
But earlier this month, my therapist pointed out that I was often on the defensive, convinced that I would be judged for using my voice and protecting myself by adopting the stand of "it doesn't matter" or "they don't have to accept me" rather than seeing and owning what it is that's special about what I bring to any dynamic. So I left that meeting deciding to keep my eye on what was special about me.
The next day, I flew to Ottawa, Ontario Canada for the third in my series of Organization Development courses. These classes are always intense and always rich with learning. This one helped me find my voice.
The second day we were put in groups to work on a project with a real client from a real organization. I have always hated group projects, because I either ended up doing all the work or ended up stifled by know-it-alls who took over the project (and it never ended being as good as I knew it could have been had my ideas been incorporated.) Boy did this exercise bring all that back. I was in a group with the two of biggest, loudest know-it-all extroverts in the class, and one very take-charge but also very sensitive younger person.
We decided the day before we met the client that I would do the first session with him "in the fishbowl" (meaning in the middle of the circle in front of everyone else.) I wanted to be stretched, and agreed to this. But the next day, after he had given the presentation on his case to the class, I was so overwhelmed with the minutiae he had presented that fear took over. "I have no idea what he wants," my mind said. But when I got back to my group, they all seemed to know exactly what to do, what to ask. They started peppering me with things to ask, which only served to overwhelm me. I broke down and started to cry. I had a very strange feeling in my gut, and I just didn't feel that they way I was being pushed to go was the right way to go. So someone else took over...and my group floundered along.
As the day wore on, I continued to be bothered by the sense of overwhelm I'd had initially. The gnawing feeling of not knowing, not being clear on what the client wanted kept at me but I continued to feel shut down my group's strong personalities. By the last exercise of the day, I decided I couldn't keep my feelings to myself anymore. As we were designing an exercise to work with the client on in the fishbowl, I finally spoke up. And they listened. And I was right on target. NO one in the room knew what the client wanted, because no one had asked. We designed an exercise that, while poorly executed in spots, actually got us to the answer...the answer to the question that my gut had been wanting me to voice from the beginning. I broke down earlier because I wasn't feeling heard....but I wasn't hearing myself either.
The next day, as we were talking about what happened, my group told me to speak up more. They said that every time I did, I was strategic and on-point. I had been afraid I wouldn't be heard, even if I was right. Then, I saw that it wasn't about being right. It was about what I brought that was special, my unique point of view and my way of using my voice that had an impact.
People may not always hear what I say. That's the risk I run by using my voice. But they certainly won't hear my voice if I don't use it.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Inspiration - Cause for Pause
Tomorrow I had planned an Inspiration Day. It's one of the parts of my painted picture vision of the future that I have been challenged to start now. (Thanks, Matt!) I don't know what I'm going to do yet, but that’s okay.The whole purpose of Inspiration Day is to give myself space – a container of space, separated from all things that NEED doing, to explore and let my mind play. I was thinking about how much I need one of these right before I visited Susan Piver’s blog and saw this video.
ZING ZANG ZOOM! I love it when the Universe does that.
Happy weekend. Hope you all find inspiration!
ZING ZANG ZOOM! I love it when the Universe does that.
Happy weekend. Hope you all find inspiration!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
The Case for Compassion
So I am watching myself, building my awareness muscles. I am watching my thoughts come and, sometimes...when I remember and can wrestle them away from my ego...watching them go, letting them die. Sometimes.
I notice that my ego sure gets attached to some of those thoughts though. And I notice that, sure enough, the ones my ego gets attached to the most tend to make me a little crazy.
A couple of days ago, I was in a complete ego-attached frenzy of judgement about something at work. I don't even remember what now, which tells me how really unimportant it is overall. But I was fixated on it, and in that moment it was the most important thing. I do remember that it had something to do with the way a certain person in the office works and communicates. I was getting all indignant about their approach, my mind on a tear about how they "shouldn't" be how they are or do what they do.
In the middle of all of this, I noticed I was doing it. And I picked up my journal and started to write down my thoughts. At one point I wrote down the question, "Why do I feel the need to judge this person when I know I do not have the ability to change them? Why can't I just accept them and maybe even see them with compassion?"
Instantly my ego responded, "because judging is so much easier!" And as soon as that came out of my pen, I had to laugh. Because it's SO not true. Judging isn't easy at all. To judge someone takes a lot of energy. You have to build your case and justify to yourself how right you are. It might seem easy, because we have, unfortunately, been conditioned to be critical and judgmental. So it becomes second nature and happens, often, at light-speed in our minds. We judge EVERYTHING, all the time. And we feel justified in doing so.
What a sad waste of energy. I've noticed that when I am busy judging someone or something, I am not being creative. I am not looking to solve any problems or make things better. I am being a victim and am making myself believe I am helpless. Because if I am helpless, I can't be accountable or responsible for my part in whatever it is I am judging. I want the other person to change. It's their job to change because my judgement of them is, of course, right and their way of being is, of course, wrong. In then end, I wind up frustrated because I am focusing my energy in the wrong places...
So, what about focusing on the flip side and seeing with compassion? My ego wants me to believe that takes more effort, but just thinking about being compassionate, I feel the ease and relaxation that comes from not judging. It is who I was when I was born, before I learned to judge. Before all of that, I was, and still am compassionate in my heart and soul. The judgemental and critical persona that my ego puts on is not me. It's armor my mind has built to protect myself from other judgmental or critical personas or to resist whatever is happening in favor of what I believe should be happening.
Indeed, we judge things we don't like and spend a lot of energy being angry or trying to improve our lives so that we like everything...But who said we were supposed to like everything all the time? Isn't it truly easier to allow the judgment and criticism to be, and to allow it to be (even in myself when I notice it) than to hold on to the story about the fact that I should like everything, which creates the judgment, which stifles creativity and causes energy to be wasted?
To have compassion, to surrender and accept people and things as they are is so much easier on us than fighting and judging. When I am compassionate about what another person is facing, I also become curious about what their experience is. This leads me to approach them out of a place of understanding and willingness to accept that our experiences are different rather than out of resistance. By doing that I move my energy in a productive direction, creating space for solutions to arise...or not arise...and I am willing to accept whatever does arise.
I'd love to say that this is my now default mode of operating, that this insight shifted my way of being. But, of course, that's not the case. I've spent two days trying to write this post, and have been interrupted a number of times, which has left me irritated, judgmental and resistant because I don't like to be interrupted. But I'm accepting and having compassion with myself for being in whatever state I am in, at least when I am being mindful enough to notice...
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Painted Picture Vision - 2013
Over the holidays, I finally was able to do some serious visioning and wrote my painted picture vision for 2013. Please forgive some of the stuff that seems sappy. But this is how I would love my life to look in 3 years. Out it goes into the Universe!
I wake naturally, feeling rested, calm and balanced. I slip out of bed quietly, so as not to awaken G. Thinking about the day ahead, I smile. It’s Inspiration Day. One day of each month, I spend a day out in the world finding inspiration and allowing my mind to relax and work on things creatively. It’s always amazing how many inspired, creative solutions I find for my clients on these days.
I rise and have my morning coffee while listening to relaxing, spa-like music. I take the dog on a nice, long walk and enjoy the neighborhood sights and sounds. I return home and meditate for 10 minutes, and then do some gentle stretching to center and prepare myself to receive inspiration. I hear G up and about, and I go upstairs to spend a little time with him before we both venture out. While he is showering, I log on to the computer to select my inspiration destination for the day.
Quickly I check email and set my auto-responder to let my clients know I will be out for the day. I encourage them to take some time and space to find inspiration for themselves. While I am online, I notice an email from a potential client, one I was VERY interested in working with. I had done a consultation to help him understand my methods, and he wants me to contact him in a few days to start the process! Immediately I feel full and grateful, as well as excited to take his company on a new journey.
My organizational communications and corporate culture consulting business, HyperZen Perspectives, is growing. In my business, I combine my over 20 years of experience in communications and branding with coaching, organizational development techniques and, just for a fun twist (but one that really makes an impact) art and interior design. I help my clients (companies, teams and individuals) find their authentic voices, bringing awareness to those voices and supporting them as they learn to use their voices and strengths more freely in their work together. I also conduct what I call Happy Bomb Workshops to help them loosen up their creative selves and give them permission to fail, flounder and make mistakes by playing with art. This allows them the freedom to make their voices visual and share with one another on a different level. I use that as a jumping off point to incorporate their personalities into their surroundings so that the workspaces they live in and work from reflect their voices, individually and collectively, with harmony and balance. The clients I have worked with have experienced an increase in productivity and revenue. They all report that they feel as if they work less and enjoy work more. Some even report improvements in other areas of their lives as a result of the techniques they learned.
I give G a hug and a kiss as he heads out the door, looking him in the eye and telling him how much he means to me and how glad I am to share a life with him in our beautiful home. I feel full and whole and ready for inspiration! I shower and dress in comfortable but stylish clothes, feeling strong and slender and confident. My dedication to regular exercise and conscious eating has paid off. I look and feel young again!
I pack my bag with my journal, a set of gel pens and colored pencils and head out the door. Today I am spending time in the Shenandoah Valley, exploring the little towns and galleries, enjoying lunch at a winery and taking in the beauty of nature. As I explore, I allow my mind to work on some ideas for a new client and sketch some thoughts for a workshop I am going to be giving at a retreat that I organized the following week with a number of my professional partners/friends.
Life is good, and it’s only getting better. I am grateful for all I have, and proud of all I have created for myself. I feel plugged in and as though my work is a gift I help others discover and unwrap. I am strong and balanced, loving and loved, open and receptive.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)