The Case for Compassion

I've been working some with mindfulness lately.  The idea, at least in my tiny little definition of mindfulness, is that you are mindful of what you are thinking, feeling, doing, etc. You watch yourself, especially your mind, and you notice, and you build your awareness. And, ultimately, you let go without judgement. I read somewhere that it's akin to "every breath being a little death." The moment passes, the breath goes out, the moment dies, the next one is born.

So I am watching myself, building my awareness muscles. I am watching my thoughts come and, sometimes...when I remember and can wrestle them away from my ego...watching them go, letting them die. Sometimes.

I notice that my ego sure gets attached to some of those thoughts though. And I notice that, sure enough, the ones my ego gets attached to the most tend to make me a little crazy.

A couple of days ago, I was in a complete ego-attached frenzy of judgement about something at work. I don't even remember what now, which tells me how really unimportant it is overall. But I was fixated on it, and in that moment it was the most important thing. I do remember that it had something to do with the way a certain person in the office works and communicates. I was getting all indignant about their approach, my mind on a tear about how they "shouldn't" be how they are or do what they do.

In the middle of all of this, I noticed I was doing it. And I picked up  my journal and started to write down my thoughts. At one point I wrote down the question, "Why do I feel the need to judge this person when I know I do not have the ability to change them? Why can't I just accept them and maybe even see them with compassion?"

Instantly my ego responded, "because judging is so much easier!" And as soon as that came out of my pen, I had to laugh. Because it's SO not true. Judging isn't easy at all. To judge someone takes a lot of energy. You have to build your case and justify to yourself how right you are. It might seem easy, because we have, unfortunately, been conditioned to be critical and judgmental. So it becomes second nature and happens, often, at light-speed in our minds. We judge EVERYTHING, all the time. And we feel justified in doing so.

What a sad waste of energy. I've noticed that when I am busy judging someone or something, I am not being creative. I am not looking to solve any problems or make things better. I am being a victim and am making myself believe I am helpless. Because if I am helpless, I can't be accountable or responsible for my part in whatever it is I am judging. I want the other person to change. It's their job to change because my judgement of them is, of course, right and their way of being is, of course, wrong. In then end, I wind up frustrated because I am focusing my energy in the wrong places...

So, what about focusing on the flip side and seeing with compassion? My ego wants me to believe that takes more effort, but just thinking about being compassionate, I feel the ease and relaxation that comes from not judging. It is who I was when I was born, before I learned to judge. Before all of that, I was, and still am compassionate in my heart and soul. The judgemental and critical persona that my ego puts on is not me. It's armor my mind has built to protect myself from other judgmental or critical personas or to resist whatever is happening in favor of what I believe should be happening.

Indeed, we judge things we don't like and spend a lot of energy being angry or trying to improve our lives so that we like everything...But who said we were supposed to like everything all the time? Isn't it truly easier to allow the judgment and criticism to be, and to allow it to be (even in myself when I notice it) than to hold on to the story about the fact that I should like everything, which creates the judgment, which stifles creativity and causes energy to be wasted?

To have compassion, to surrender and accept people and things as they are is so much easier on us than fighting and judging. When I am compassionate about what another person is facing, I also become curious about what their experience is. This leads me to approach them out of a place of understanding and willingness to accept that our experiences are different rather than out of resistance. By doing that I move my energy in a productive direction, creating space for solutions to arise...or not arise...and I am willing to accept whatever does arise.

I'd love to say that this is my now default mode of operating, that this insight shifted my way of being. But, of course, that's not the case. I've spent two days trying to write this post, and have been interrupted a number of times, which has left me irritated, judgmental and resistant because I don't like to be interrupted. But I'm accepting and having compassion with myself for being in whatever state I am in, at least when I am being mindful enough to notice...